Mainly Mita

February has arrived. It’s my birth month and I’m turning a whopping 45 on the 23rd. It’s still puzzling to look in the mirror and see a middle-aged woman staring back at me. How did this happen?

It’s not that I’m vain about my physical appearance although ALL women are - at least once in their lives anyway. I never was pretty or beautiful so all I strove for in my life, as far as looks go, was pleasing. The physical doesn’t really bother me, but at this age, I have to admit it surprises. You just don’t look like what you feel. It’s strange to say the least.

This is almost like turning 30 and crying over it, asking myself why I wasn’t the “respectable” person I thought every 30-year old should be. Don’t ask me what “respectable” meant to me at that time…I still can’t seem to answer that question.

And now comes 45, just a short 5 years short of 50 - which is half a century.

Put in that context, 45 does sound old. But when looking at one’s life and assessing the past and the present, 45 years on this earth is nothing. It’s just a tiny blip on a radar.

I have to admit, life has been good to me. I’ve had major bumps throughout, that on hindsight, only made me stronger. There have been disappointments but the rewards that came after made up tenfold. Sometimes I detect a subliminal cynicism towards life. This is the one thing I never wanted to be. And now I find you can’t help it sometimes. Thankfully, life and people still hold a lot of surprises, even at 45, so the cynicism you feel one day will seem like fiction the next.

The most amazing lesson I’ve learned through all these almost 45 years is how constantly gracious God is and how powerful prayer is. When you think your darkest hour has come and you can’t bear to face it, you find the strength within to grin and tackle whatever life throws your way. I remember that old saying we always heard from my mom, “You are never given more than you can handle.” That is so true.

My prayers were not always answered. But when they were not, the reasons why they weren’t always came crystal clear and without question. It didn’t always come immediately, sometimes it took years to dawn on you, not that I’m dense, it just happens that way. The feeling of appreciation always overwhelmed me when it did…as I believe it always will.

This leads us to the best lesson I’ve learned…TRUST…in the power of the the universe, or The Almighty, or whatever it is you believe in. Things may seem out of tune in the big, wide world but there is a rhythm, a logic to all the chaos that we might not be able to understand at the moment. As you look at life from a distance, over a longer period of time…the reasons, the logic, the beauty of the unfolding reality of WHY screams at you.

I hope some of you reading this will understand what I’m trying to say. Perhaps you have to be old enough to understand…in that case, enjoy your youth but don’t sweat it too much. Things happen… all in good time…if not, there’s something better…trust me…I probably turned 45 already by the time you read this so I should know better.

45 years. Wow. I’m looking forward to the next 45. Judging from the past, I know this next ride will be just as interesting.