Mainly Mita

The past weekend,   the US economy has been called countless terms all spelling DOOM - Armaggedon, Tsunami, Hurricane, etc.   It certainly looks grim from where my husband and I are sitting.

When I first moved to Colorado with my husband, I noticed how huge a difference the standards of living between the US and the Philippines was.  There seemed to be so much excess and I kept asking myself how people could afford all they had - and still sought to have.  Not to knock the next person, but there seemed to be so many ordinary citizens living the life  I thought doctors and other professionals could only afford.  Being so green, I thought this was just the way it was in the US.  But then, everything was getting bigger and grander the longer I stayed.  Houses, home entertainment options, kitchens, baths - just plain everything.  The word that always came up was “Upgrade” and it baffled me - how much house does a family need, how much of anything does anybody really need.  In the back of my head, all I could think of was, “Where is all this money coming from?”

Apparently, it was coming from credit that most people shouldn’t have even had access to in the first place.  Living large on a borrowed dime was never a good idea.  Yes, we all want.  Yes, we may all feel we DESERVE even.  However, from a prudent and rational standpoint (like my mother’s), the first consideration is always, “Can I AFFORD?”

Now I come to the reason this post is titled “Addiction.”

In the past couple of years since we’ve moved to the Philippines, there’s been so much news about celebrities going into rehab for one addiction or another.  The latest being David Duchovny for an addiction to sex and porn.  Addiction is an affliction that can be corrected with rehabilitation, a change of heart, mind, lifestyle and soul even.

Perhaps many will strongly disagree with me, but I’ll say it anyway.  Addiction is a deviation from the normal.  It’s letting go of responsibility for our actions until all control is out of the individual’s hands.  The ensuing downward spiral becomes a vortex that just sucks you in deeper and deeper till you need help just to come up for air.  It’s scary because it can actually lead to death if you don’t recognize the symptoms.

This is exactly the place where the US economy and society seem to be at the moment.  Struggling with its addiction to material excess.  The sad thing is, recovery cannot come unless recognition sets in.

I was just watching the ongoing hearings at the Philippine Senate on the controversial, now-scrapped National Broadband Network (NBN) deal which has been going on since the start of the year.  Maybe I shouldn’t be watching it too often.  This whole mess is depressing enough but when you actually see the live circus as it happens…oh boy, give me more of those headache pills….or maybe a Vicodin.

The hearings are broadcast live by the ABS-CBN News Channel (ANC) and in part by the competition,  QTV11.  I call QTV11 the competition because I was once worked for the ABS-CBN Broadcasting Corp. and somehow can’t get over that network war thing out of my system.

Anyway….there it was, the Senate hearing.  This time I didn’t watch it to the end.  There’s so much etcetera that goes into these hearings.  There are some senators who don’t seem to understand that their role here is investigative.  To get to the bottom of controversial issues of the day that affect the whole country, they have to ask the right questions, they have to ask the relevant questions.

If they don’t get the answers they want, they accuse the witness of being partial to certain senators.  DUH.  Ask the relevant questions or perhaps, don’t cut off the witness and pretend not to see his raised hand then maybe you’ll get the answer you want.

If you can’t tell by this time that all these senators are interested in is a good and entertaining performance, one aimed for maximum recall…you’re probably not watching the hearings.

Somehow, in the course of this questioning, there’s one or two or three senators passing judgment on a witness because they didn’t like his answer.  Then there are senators who will insert catch phrases of the day and make a disparaging comment, or two or three even,  about this or that government official.

Is anyone in the Senate staff doing the nitty-gritty, dirty work of sifting through documents, crunching the numbers or bringing in third party experts to give unbiased opinions, or following the money trail or checking phone records…or anything at all that could shed real light on the very serious allegations brought forth by the witnesses they summoned?   I mean…seriously!

To make things worse, during the course of  a 10-hour hearing, the cameras catch all the smirking, giggling and cellphone picture taking of the people in the gallery or the staff members behind the honorable senators and there’s all these  people passing right in front of the cameras.   Oh, and let’s not forget the waiters serving food while the grilling is going on!  Apparently, it’s not THAT kind of grilling….

Seriously, does the Senate expect us to take them and everything that comes from that “august” body seriously?

The other day,  my husband was writing a post on inheritance for his Philfaqs blog.  He turned to me and asked if I knew how crazy the law was. He explained and it gave me a headache. Read what he wrote and if it doesn’t make your head spin, let me know.

This is just one example of how protectionist Philippine laws are. When you enter into a marriage, I doubt majority of us ever think of these things. When I was married  in the US, I didn’t even think about these things.  In the Philippines, if you are an alien who has invested your life savings in Philippine property you can get very badly screwed if your Filipino spouse dies and your children are all non-Filipinos.  My poor husband will be left with hardly anything if I died before he did!

My little conversation with the Spouse made me remember something I wanted to write for this blog. I always wanted to look up the 1987 Constitution and see what needs changing. So I looked it up and looked at the Family and Revised Penal Codes too.  Gee, the laws for the family are so strong, but so anti-women! And our adultery law says that women who have carnal knowledge with men other than her husband is guilty of adultery, get this, even AFTER her marriage is declared void.  For men?  Oh, it doesn’t matter if he has all the carnal knowledge with any woman any day - so long as he doesn’t “cohabit” with the woman, he’s fine!

And what is the beef with illegitimate children? I’d feel so marginalized I’d start a party list group for illegitimate offspring so they would have representation in Congress!

I’ve made an initial list of amendments I personally feel the Constitution needs, including a complete shift since this form of government doesn’t work for us. Perhaps I’ll come up with more, but for now, this is the list:

A shift to a Federation of States with four states, namely: Luzon, Bicol, Visayas and Mindanao. Each state will have its own set of laws and local government headed by the governor, who are elected by the people.

Parliamentary form of government headed by a Prime Minister duly elected by the Upper and Lower House from within their ranks. The Head of State is the President. The Presidency will be occupied by each state in rotation every 10 years. States will elect their own candidate.

Lower House representatives will number 250 and will come from the different provincial districts and party lists duly accredited by the federal election body. These representatives will carry 5- year terms, with no term limits. The Upper House will be composed of 25 members proportionately representing the 4 states.

Enactment of a Federal Election Law that will cover not only the conduct of federal elections but campaign funding provisions as well. There should be a provision for public funding of campaigns to limit patronage politics.

Abolition of the Commission on Election and replacing with a federal regulatory body that will oversee election and campaign laws. Adoption of an electoral college with electors coming from and appointed by the dominant, national parties. Electors cannot be in public office. The electoral college will strengthen the 2-party system and should be adopted until such time when the political party system has strengthened. The electoral college will also be tasked with affirming the qualification of candidates.

Separation of Church and State shall be inviolable. This text should be included: “There shall be no interference whatsoever of the sacred religious feelings in State affairs and policies.”

Reference to the spiritual development of the youth should be removed. This is not the duty of the state.

Dissolution and review of the current Civil, Family and Penal Codes. A new law should be drafted that will allow divorce, allow more equality for women, alien spouses and illegitimate children. Adultery and concubinage should be decriminalized or even scrapped altogether.  Sex between consenting adults, no matter the civil status of the adults,  is a personal matter and the state should not get involved in it.

The law on inheritance should be reviewed and made more equitable for illegitimate children and alien spouses.

Equality under the law in the Philippines will not be achieved because the Pinoy brain is so used to judging an individual based on his social and financial standing.

If this was not true, no Pinoy would make reference to his own standing in life in online forums -  using anonymous nicknames.

If this was not true, any individual’s opinion would count but no, we have to qualify the person as so-and-so or a graduate of such-and-such school or holding such-and-such position.

It’s good rhetoric to invoke equality in law but it’s all lip service at this point and cannot be achieved unless we make the change within ourselves.

This is a post I wasn’t particularly looking forward to write. In a couple of posts back, I wrote about my misadventures with our 15-year old maid, Cyril.

She left last Monday after I found a couple of things of mine in her possession. This was not the first time but this time, I was bitterly disappointed. We had spoken after the first incident and she seemed remorseful enough but didn’t say a word. The ridiculous thing about it is, I gave her a warning before we cleaned the closets in her room.  Even more ridiculous is,  she took inconsequential things that I probably would have given her or bought for her - if only she had asked me beforehand. I made it a point to ask her if she needed anything before I did my weekly shopping and even if she didn’t ask, I bought her all her toiletries and over the counter drugs.  I had just bought her a fresh supply last week in fact.
This is more to me than just losing some material things. When you see something of yours in someone else’s possession, you feel violated, no matter how trivial it all seems later. One thing she took was one of those small hotel soaps I saved from the Avalanche Ranch in Colorado, where Spouse and I celebrated our 5th anniversary. It wasn’t just a piece of soap, it was a souvenir of a very happy time that will never happen again. I already explained to Cyril how it was important that since we lived in the same house, we have to trust one another. This time I had to explain much more. I didn’t rant, I didn’t rave, I was just so sad and disappointed my body became limp.

I know I got through to her about the lying. Even if she knew she’d get in trouble that last day, she didn’t lie when I asked her if there was something else of mine she took. When I first asked her about this lying business, she said it was the first thing that came to mind, which I found very worrisome. How can anyone trust a person whose first instinct is to lie?

On that last day, she didn’t show any remorse. Initially I saw the fear in her eyes when she was caught. When I took her aside to talk to her, the defiance in her eyes got stronger. After all the little and major boo-boos that happened, she never once apologized. I told her this and asked her if she knew what “sorry” meant. She told me she didn’t, which I didn’t believe of course. Still, I explained to her, “If you step on someone’s toes…what do you usually say?” The defiance didn’t leave her eyes and I sadly said, “It seems you are not going to say it today too.” And that’s when I told her she could leave.

Oh, I didn’t fire her. She was the first to say she wanted to leave. We already agreed last week she was going to finish this month and not come back. That’s another story in itself….she was getting lonely at night and didn’t like sleeping alone in her room, not a maid’s room mind you, a regular spare room within our house. She was negotiating with us about the terms of her employment and I was willing to accommodate but my husband wouldn’t hear of it because she just started with us.

I really thought we were getting somewhere with our lessons. Our pace going through the exercise book got faster because she could read better too. I still had to explain what the words meant sometimes, whether they were old or new words, but her vocabulary was picking up.

I had real hopes for her. I had hopes she’d see there was a broader world that wasn’t always cruel or mean. I had hopes she’d have a better life than what her mother knew. I had hoped she would grow to be an independent woman who was capable of making her own mind and directing her own course in life. I had hopes she could one day be confident enough to open her own bank account, make choices that affect her community and the country and even vote responsibly some day. I still hope that future is hers whether or not I see her again.

I hope  it will be, perhaps it will. Just before she walked out our gate, she came back sobbing her eyes out and unexpectedly said, “Ma’am, I’m really sorry for what happened.”